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I’m in Portugal.

In the mountains.

No, I probably haven’t responded to your email as I’m on holiday.

In particular, if you’re messaging from a country far away from where I work with an essay asking how I would build you a gun with a complete breakdown of parts so that you can buy them & do it yourself whilst being very pushy because you didn’t get a response within 30 minutes – I’m not a 90’s pizza delivery service.

Even better when you start with “I know you’re on holiday but…”

Fuck all here, limited signal, no WiFi, the TV has an aerial on top & can receive four channels.

At night you can hear wolves…

So if I’m not responding…. it’s because I’m on holiday & any emails or messages I do answer are where existing customers have questions about tracking info and need my help.


It’s the same as me calling you at your house asking the price of the fries you serve or asking when your mother will be performing again.

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